Last night my legs fell asleep sometime while I was watching a movie. I went to turn off my light, but when my feet hit the floor, I couldn't feel it.
I tried to convince myself that the light above my head is the sun, warm and bright and everything I love.
And that my toes were in the sand.
But I regained feeling, and all I felt then was cold tile under my bare feet, and the ache in my heart.

I want to go places.
No, I will go places.

Tonight, for the first time ever, I went outside with a blanket and sat down in my backyard. I don't live in a flashy city. Just a simple town. I saw the stars like I was the only one in the world.
I saw the stars like I have never seen them before.
And I looked up at the stars, and I remembered why I am alive and why I am happy.

I started to cry.

I'm tired of waiting. Do it, what are you waiting for?
Why are you so afraid?

I wish things were more approachable. I can't get over feeling like people are too insecure nowadays, but I'm really not one to talk.

Now, I'm going to ask you again.
What makes you afraid? I want to see your scars, all of them.

I'd walk through a wall of fire if it meant that something was worth it on the other side.

One day, I want to wake up by the ocean and find a pile of seashells next to my head. I'll use those seashells as a reason to keep on living; keep on being myself. I'll strand them with string and put it around my neck if I have to. I just need some sort of proof that I am 'okay' when really, I've got nothing to offer except for my sympathy and my apologies. I'm not that great, I'm not that kind of person who will go to great lengths to see something temporary.

But life is only temporary.
But then again, 'forever' exists. It has to. It just does. I'll keep looking for it, and when I do?
Then, I'll have something to offer.

For now? I'll keep doing what I'm best at doing.