Anatomically correct, but emotionally mismatched.

Because I just don't care.

The holiday season is something tricky. People claim they're happy, but they insist on pointing out everything that's wrong.
Are you going to tell me what I'm doing wrong? Because I think I already knew that.

I have bruises on my hands, bruises on my legs, bruises on my memory and finally, bruises on my heart.
This makes me feel normal, because I know that I can't be the only one this vulnerable.

I've been keeping secrets. I hide things from you, from the person in the next room over and the person I take classes with. Every. Person.

And yet.

I feel so naked and exposed, even with my lips sealed shut.

Love shows no bounds.
Just breathe, just breathe.
It won't let you down.

Idon'twanttoletyoudown.

Last night my legs fell asleep sometime while I was watching a movie. I went to turn off my light, but when my feet hit the floor, I couldn't feel it.
I tried to convince myself that the light above my head is the sun, warm and bright and everything I love.
And that my toes were in the sand.
But I regained feeling, and all I felt then was cold tile under my bare feet, and the ache in my heart.

I want to go places.
No, I will go places.

Tonight, for the first time ever, I went outside with a blanket and sat down in my backyard. I don't live in a flashy city. Just a simple town. I saw the stars like I was the only one in the world.
I saw the stars like I have never seen them before.
And I looked up at the stars, and I remembered why I am alive and why I am happy.

I started to cry.

I'm tired of waiting. Do it, what are you waiting for?
Why are you so afraid?

I wish things were more approachable. I can't get over feeling like people are too insecure nowadays, but I'm really not one to talk.

Now, I'm going to ask you again.
What makes you afraid? I want to see your scars, all of them.

I'd walk through a wall of fire if it meant that something was worth it on the other side.